What is anger, really?

How freakin uncomfortable is anger?

It truly sucks. 

But do you know why?

Anger is a challenge to your belief system. It’s dissonance between your belief system and the environment around you 

When we feel anger, it’s because one of our deepest beliefs is being challenged.

I’ve been numb to the pain of my anger surrounding my cancer treatment for the longest time, so let’s dive in together… 

When I feel anger surrounding the treatment of my cancer, it’s because I am being treated like I’m sick

deeply going against my belief system 

because I’m not sick. And this belief will NEVER change. If I believed that I was sick, then I would become sick. Because we become our beliefs. So I won’t let that belief change no matter how much our culture tries to convince me otherwise.

My cancer isn’t a sickness, it’s a struggle that has brought so much incredible joy and fulfillment to my life.

And every day that I have to discuss ‘treatment’ is a day that I’m met with more anger 

But as I dive deeper into understanding my anger and the message that my body is trying to send me

I realize that it’s the belief surrounding the meaning behind treatment that creates my anger,

not my belief and knowing that i’m healthy.

I don’t even like the word ‘treatment’ because culturally that word holds the meaning of helping sick people become healthy again.

What is the word treatment, really? It’s literally a word made up of 9 English letters. That word written out to a newborn has no meaning. It’s just a word.

So where does the meaning come from? Our culture. 

Have you ever really evaluated just how much our culture has shaped our belief systems? 

Some people view ‘treatment’ as the thing that makes them healthy again, others view it as an evil and move in the opposite direction.

but I’m stuck in the middle. 

While writing this, I’ve finally come to realize that treatment isn’t the evil, it’s the meaning that we have culturally placed around it that is.

maybe we replace that word with freedom?? Space?? Let’s start with t*** for now

I don’t know, still trying to work this out.

but t*** is giving me, my life, and my body the time and space to understand each other.

Maybe I needed this experience to realize that I had lost complete control over my life and I needed to take it back

Maybe I needed this experience to realize that I had lost trust in myself and I needed to take it back

Maybe I needed this experience to realize that I had been living with a belief system that wasn’t mine. A belief system created by shoulds.

This cancer experience has granted me freedom to challenge my beliefs, trust my inner knowing, and take back my life.

This is an anger that I’ve held for 3 YEARS

and I felt so much pain surrounding it that I had trouble diving in

and after reading a passage from Untamed, by Glennon Doyle, I finally did.

And this is the first place that I wrote it out

holy shit this feels good

to finally understand where this anger has come from. The subconscious cultural meaning i’ve held surrounding t*** .

And now I move on from here. 

Now I etch that belief in my mind by practicing believing it every day.

I challenge you to view your anger from a new perspective. 

What is causing this dissonance between your beliefs and your environment? What about your belief system is being challenged?

Is it a deeply learned belief that you want to change?

Or is it the situation that you need to walk away from?

We aren’t born with these beliefs. They are learned.

So they can also be unlearned.

Just one more mind-blowing piece… my cancer originated in my liver. The liver is associated with anger in Chinese medicine. I believe that I used to live with crazy amounts of daily dissonance because my belief system wasn’t mine. Soo… woah?

Can’t wait to dive deeper into this piece and do some more research!